I do not know if this will help you Ata crossroads but if I could relate how my husband handled his leaving it may give a few cues for your husband.
When he decided he was not going back, he took his elder's book and kh keys and went to the meeting. He spoke with the elders and shook their hands and said that he would not be coming to any more meetings. He told them very clearly that he would never discuss his reasons for not attending and that he did not want to receive any visits. He wished them all the best and walked out. End of story. He has kept that stance every time someone has knocked on the door (only three times in 8 years). I think the elders were completely taken aback and had no idea how to handle the situation as my husband was very active, very well liked and one of the most approachable elders they had on the body. I think in the slang terminology they were "gobsmacked"...
So if your husband sticks to his guns, keeps his head level and really is consistent he will come through this. He has the added burden of family to deal with but I think if he is just as adamant with them he just might get the point across that he is in charge of his own life, not them.
All the best to you both xx